I have been trying to pen this complex thought down for a while now, with little success. It probably comes across as childish as the musings of a 5-year-old wondering about the existence of Santa Claus. Here goes, on a serious note then, does being adopted mean anything, you know, spiritually speaking? I've seen many adoptees online saying they feel like 'second-grade' people. And I realized that most of the time I feel that way too.
We all feel at times that we have been sentenced to wander blearily through life without really belonging, without really allowing ourselves to love anyone too much, without letting anyone get through to us. I personally feel (in my weaker moments) that I'm nothing more than a mistake, an inconsequential, logical result of a cheap act of passion, just a cosmic error. Like I'm just 'here', but with no destiny or purpose. It feels as if I was never meant to be.
It makes me wonder at times whether there is a god at all. And if there is, does he truly love everyone equally...?
We all feel at times that we have been sentenced to wander blearily through life without really belonging, without really allowing ourselves to love anyone too much, without letting anyone get through to us. I personally feel (in my weaker moments) that I'm nothing more than a mistake, an inconsequential, logical result of a cheap act of passion, just a cosmic error. Like I'm just 'here', but with no destiny or purpose. It feels as if I was never meant to be.
It makes me wonder at times whether there is a god at all. And if there is, does he truly love everyone equally...?
I read a book recently titled 'Infinitely More'. It is written by a former Russian orphan. It is (I believe) a wonderful story of triumph over incredible odds. I highly recommend reading it. He is now a Christian who works to help orphans still in Russia who have aged out of their orphanages.
ReplyDeleteHi Anne, wow I've not heard of the book before. Thanks for recommending it. I have read only Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier, and Coming Home to Self - The Adopted Child Grows Up by Nancy Verrier, again. I will try and locate this book, reading about other adoptees makes me feel less alone. It definitely sounds like a story of triumph over incredible odds. Thankyou for telling me about it. :-)
DeleteAre you an adoptee too?