Be careful what you wish for, it may come true.
I asked for light, here it is. I asked for a chance to prove myself, here it is. I asked to be tested by fire, so I could figure out my own naked value. Here it is.
I am grateful that I have this chance to prove myself. Though I am beginning to doubt my own value, I appreciate this opportunity because deserving people don't even get this one chance. It is for my own peace of mind. I am fairly sure I have what it takes to devote myself to an idea, to get my pants pulled down by analytical minds, to stick to my guns, to keep at my idea, to make it happen.
I know I don't like the feeling of being only lucky. Sure, luck is important, but I don't want to live the kind of privileged lifestyle I am living solely due to my astounding good fortune. How do I put it, I want to earn it. I want to know that I am worth this, and I deserve it. Not just that I was earth-shatteringly lucky. Makes sense?
So far, it has been all uphill, as it would be. In Einstein's words, I have no special talent, no extraordinary intellect, I am only passionately curious. Will it be enough? It's not entirely practical, and only time will tell. I am happy now, I had asked myself in my suicidal moments - what could possibly be waiting on the other side of this soulless misery that would justify holding on in this time of utter bleakness. I have that answer now, and it is more than I could have asked for.
The only question now is, am I worthy enough to meet this challenge?
Well, que será, será. That is; what will be, will be.