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Saturday 8 December 2012

Dawn of maturity


I am completely and utterly, senselessly and uninhibitedly in love. In love with the universe. Moments like these melt away the illusion of separateness. And, I live for those moments. We all do.

For the first time, after a long time, I feel as if I am able to walk forward in spite of everything in me that is holding me back. Earlier, I used to walk forward, but that I managed in the denial of the things within me that weigh me down. Now, for the first time, I see myself managing to work with both, what is driving me forward, and what is stubbornly dragging me backward.

For the first time, I see that the people around me are more similar to me than different. That feels good. I see new people, who are like me, who I can connect with. And, that feels good. I am not alone. My thoughts and frustrations are shared by others.

The only regret I have is, this realisation may have come too late. I have held back from trusting people due to my own deep insecurities. And I regret it because, life is too short to let good people slip by. I fear, it may be too late to revive some friendships, for I have judged too harshly, thought too little, spoken too hastily, spoken too harshly, spoken too critically, dismissed too vehemently, cared deeply but shown it too little, closed myself too tightly. I wasn't fair and I haven't given people the chance which I would like others to give me if and when the time comes. I hope the damage isn't already done.

3 comments:

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