Anger - My Fuel

  I've come a long way. Can only go forward, now. Finally I'm off medications, good riddance. All I need is all I got. It feels beyond brilliant to be able to walk without the crutches of medication and therapy. I don't need that shit anymore. My doctor, to whom I will remain eternally grateful shared his life philosophy with me. Something which I have tried to incorporate in my life, and it feels good. It really is so simple, life. But we always manage to find a way to complicate it beyond recognition. His philosophy is simple - don't take yourself too seriously, in the end this doesn't even matter. Keep the bigger picture in mind, respect yourself, face whatever comes your way with grace. In the end, it's about grace, too. Be graceful.

  On that path now, it works, yes. It works to keep me sane. I'm still angry, that'll never leave me. It's my prime motivator, now, I suppose. I don't need whatever I went through for so long, though. I don't need people to pity me, I don't need to pity myself, I just let it all go, I don't give a flying shit about searching for birth parents, see, this is me being graceful. Tough job. On the outside, I've let it all go, I've 'moved on'. I have, it's not completely inaccurate, but I can't let go. It's a part of me. I can't let go of my searing anger. Screw it because one day, I'll be way ahead of everyone. Anger is my fuel. I hate feeling enchained, I'm better than them, the losers I'm surrounded by. I want to break out, make a name for myself, I want to feel like I am here for a reason, I want to explode and burn myself out completely in the fire of my potential and dedication. I want them to see that damn it, I may have been abandoned but they're the real losers, screw it, it's frustrating that they'll never even know what they lost. I am happy, do you get that? Just go to hell all of you, I'll do something I will be proud of, I'll leave all of you burning.


Here's to putting a dent in the universe.

I will set fire to the world and watch it burn as I walk away.