My story - part I

 My story begins back in the summer of '94. In April, at the cusp pf a full blown Indian summer. In April it's still mild, the December's cold has melted away by then leaving us a a mild pleasant atmosphere. Anyway, coming back to my story, I was born in Mumbai in early April. (Dates not mentioned for privacy)
  
   I was born to a woman whose face I will probably never know in this lifetime. Sometimes I stare at my face in the mirror and squint, so that my features appear a little blurred, I try to imagine a woman's face in mine. 

  Barely 24 hours old, I was left on the steps of a government run nursery. I can't imagine what she must have felt. I truly hope when we grow up, we build a world where no mother has to abandon her own child and security is guaranteed to every human being regardless of the circumstances of his or her birth. 
  
  Three days later (now I don't know what happened in these three days, I don't know who took care of me, but somehow I survived), three days later I was found by the police and a police case was filed against the woman who had given birth to me. No one knew the lady, it is almost as if she never existed. She had disappeared without a trace. The police got me admitted to a general hospital where I was taken care of and my nutritional needs were met. Finally, 13 days after my birth I was shifted to the adoption home.

And, exactly 3 months and 25 days after my birth I was adopted into a loving family. Phew!

In part - II I will skip directly to my teen years and how all this came back to me, and how I am now moving back into my past in order to move forward with my life. Stay with me.

Adoption and relationships

  Is therapy of any use in working your way through the barrage of emotions that arise while coming to terms with your unique status as an adoptee? I was thinking about this issue, as I am currently undergoing counselling, myself. What I realised is that the answers are obvious to me, I don't need the therapist to guide me because I know what I have to do to move out of this situation. But, I don't feel 'ready' as yet. I think, it's because of the 'why should I?' attitude - the 'why should I get on with my life the way everyone wants me to? I will jolly well take my own time in it' sort of thing. Ms. Nancy Verrier (1993) states that the basic issues in adoption which affect relationships - identity, trust, belonging and tolerating separation can be worked through in our current relationships themselves. Basically, these issues can be worked through in the framework of your current relations - with your friend, spouse, acquaintances, etc. I've decided to try this out, my adoption issues seem to have affected my relationships with my closest friends more than anything else, and it feels terrible.

What do you guys feel about this? Have you been successful at working their way through these problems? Do you ever feel lonely due to being adopted? Talk to me.

Being adopted : any spiritual significance?

  I have been trying to pen this complex thought down for a while now, with little success. It probably comes across as childish as the musings of a 5-year-old wondering about the existence of Santa Claus. Here goes, on a serious note then, does being adopted mean anything, you know, spiritually speaking? I've seen many adoptees online saying they feel like 'second-grade' people. And I realized that most of the time I feel that way too.

  We all feel at times that we have been sentenced to wander blearily through life without really belonging, without really allowing ourselves to love anyone too much, without letting anyone get through to us. I personally feel (in my weaker moments) that I'm nothing more than a mistake, an inconsequential, logical result of a cheap act of passion, just a cosmic error. Like I'm just 'here', but with no destiny or purpose. It feels as if I was never meant to be.

  It makes me wonder at times whether there is a god at all. And if there is, does he truly love everyone equally...?